June 20, 2016: Final thoughts on my first year

So I officially made it through my first year as an Alaskan.  I couldn't be happier with my decision to move to Kodiak.  There were some extremely rough moments along the way.  Between having a really hard time transitioning to a new grade level in school, missing my friends and family more than I thought I would, tearing up during almost every episode of Chicago PD because of an overload of nostalgia, and having insane cravings for Panera, Chipotle, Portillos, a good margarita, and Dairy Queen, this year has had some challenges.  But the benefits have far outweighed those.  I am in love with the way of life here.  I love living so close to my nephews.  I have met amazing friends and can't get enough of the adventure that hangs out around every corner.  I have a new found appreciation for small town living.

I was having coffee with a friend while I was back in Michigan.  She was telling me about her twin daughters and how they are the most fearless children she has ever seen.  They jump into every situation with their entire selves, leaving no room for trepidation.  I told her I was jealous of them, and I wished I had that sense of fearlessness.  My friend told me that she thought I did, and I explained to her that I am a total break rider.  I love adventure, and I am usually up for anything, but once I am out there, I am terrified.  When I'm biking down a hill, I'm riding my breaks.  When I'm climbing a mountain, I'm taking the easiest, least scary path.  I'll get out there, but my fear sometimes holds me back from really experiencing adventures fully.

After coffee, I kept thinking about this, and I realize that I tend to ride the breaks a lot in other areas of life too.  Whether it's in my job, my relationships, and even my faith, I have a hard time fully letting go and diving in.  I hold back out of fear or uncertainty.  I look back on this year and can see that even though I have experienced so much, learned so much, lived so much, I have allowed myself to miss out on the fullness of these experiences.  Fear sucks. 

So this year, my goal is to not hold back.  Take risks in relationships.  Take risks in the classroom.  Trust God that He fulfills His promises and that He wants to use me on a daily basis.  

While I was home, lots of people asked me what my plans are for the future.  I have none!  Well, my plan is to listen to the Lord and be obedient.   I love living here, and would be happy to stay.  Meagan and Kyle are here for two more years, and I would love to be here for both of those years.  If God wants me to move before then, I'll go.  I know that before coming here, I was contemplating teaching abroad somewhere, and I would still love to do that at some point in my life.  That might be a great post Alaskan life choice.  :)   I looked into missions before moving here, and if God tells me to go, I am praying I listen.  I'm not too stressed about it though!  I'm focusing more on trying to listen to the Lord in the little day to day things.  I just want to love Him and be obedient.  

I am thankful to Him for the blessings I have received this past year.  His faithfulness is astounding.  Despite the countless times I have let my sin take over, He has given me the grace to start over.  I have a lot of those ugly moments, and I am grateful for a Savior who loves me so much in spite of those moments that He died to give me life.  When it all comes down to it, bear sightings, mountains, good friends, tide pools, camping trips, and cute nephews are nothing compared to His love.