February 6, 2017: kidart

One of my students created this beautiful artwork today.  I noticed the red pompoms on the ears, so I told her I loved the earrings she made.  She matter of factly told me that those weren't earrings.  The person had just come down with an ear infection.  She was feeling much better though.

mmmmmk.

February 5, 2017: Superbowl

I LOVE THE SUPER BOWL!!

That's actually a complete lie.  I don't really remember the last time I watched it.  It's been a few years.  I usually like seeing a movie or something on that day.  This year I found friends who also don't care about the Super Bowl.  This is us, doing a murder mystery puzzle together on Super Bowl Sunday.  In my opinion, solving crimes is infinitely more important than watching football, laughing at commercials, or eating enormous amounts of food.  Although, we did eat a lot of food today...

February 4, 2017: the swing in the woods

I tried to hike Old Woman today.  By myself.  It didn't go as planned.  

The last time Alanna and I hiked Old Woman, there was ice.  Not too much, but enough that I knew I would need to bring ice cleats and trekking poles.   This morning, when I got to the mountain, I realized even with my ice gear I might not be making it up to the top today.  The trail was a thick sheet of ice.  Being a tiny bit stubborn, I decided to give it a try anyway.  Climbing up a sheet of ice actually isn't that rough.  I made it quite a ways up before I realized that coming down might be a bit harder and more terrifying than going up.  I turned around and took a few steps down to test it out.  

Terrifying.  I began slipping right away.  What took me only seconds to go up took minutes to come down.  I was frustrated, knowing I wasn't going to make it to the top of the mountain today.  I spent another 15 minutes working my way down the mountain, but I only covered a few feet in that time.  Every time I tried to step, either my trekking pole or my cleat would slip and I'd have to grab the flimsy branch of an alder bush for support.  I still had at least 50 yards to go before I reached the grassy part of the trail at the base of the mountain and was off the ice.  That was going to take forever.  My only other option would be a luge style descent without the actual luge.  I sat on my butt, gave myself a tiny push, and went FLYING down the side of the mountain.  I couldn't stop screaming as my little tailbone crashed over ice covered rocks.  I tried to slow myself by putting my hands down, but that did nothing except jam my thumbnail.  After sliding uncontrollably for about 25 yards, I crashed into some alder bushes and came to a stop.   I layed still for a moment, before attempting to stand back up.  As I laid there,  a terrifying realization came over me.  I could smell...the barf ice. 

Let me pause my story to tell you about the weirdest ice phenomenon I have ever heard of.  The ice here, under weird circumstances, starts to smell like rotten barf.  Some people say it has to do with worms in the grass under the ice.  Some people say it's the decomposing grass and leaves under the ice, but there is some scientific reason that I have yet to fully look into or understand that makes the ice stink like someone barfed up a dead bird.  So, if you slide on it, play in it, or touch it at all, your clothes smell like it.  Your skin smells like it.  You carry it around with you wherever you go.  I learned this the hard way after I let all of my students play on the ice during recess.  Our classroom has smelled like barf ice ever since. 

So when I got up after my own ice sliding adventure, I knew immediately that I smelled like barf ice too.  At this point I was just pissed.  Not only did I miss out on summiting my mountain, I bruised my butt, jammed my thumb and smelled like death.  By this point on the trail, I was at least close enough to the woods at the base of the mountain, that I could get off the ice and wander through the woods back to my car.  I hadn't ever gone this way before because I always stuck to the trail.  This part of the woods was actually really pretty.  The sun had recently risen, and the light coming through the trees was beautiful.  I stumbled upon a little wooden swing that someone had hung from the trees.  

I love swings. 

I couldn't help but think that this morning was a nice parallel to how life has felt over the past few months.  From September to November, I struggled a lot with depression.  I read somewhere that having depression is like being locked in a prison but also being the cruel, tormenting jailor.  It's so true.  You feel trapped by your negative, awful thoughts.  They immobilize you.  I stopped hanging out with friends and doing group activities.  When I did hang out, I cried from exhaustion afterwards.  I doubted myself, thought awful things about myself, and ultimately became apathetic or bitter about everything.  Then the cycle continued.  Until, as with many cases of depression, it just stopped for a while.  Life got normal again, and my brain started thinking lovely thoughts rather than hideous ones.  Out of the blue, last Sunday was really hard again.  It came out of nowhere, and I panicked that I was going to slide back into this depressive hole I had found myself in.  I had a couple of small moments this week when I couldn't shake it, but it didn't feel anything like it did this past fall, which I am grateful for. 

When I am struggling with my depression, I get so frustrated because there is no way I am summiting any mountains. I can barely emotional energy to go to work.  Dreams, goals, friendships, normalcy all suffers during these times.  I can see myself wanting to overcome it, wanting to live loudly the way I usually try to live.  But today, I realized that during my depressed times, God has graciously shown me to the swing in the woods.  He has given me incredible, supportive friends with whom I have developed even deeper relationships because of the depression.  He has taught me how to appreciate simply joys.  He has reminded me over and over, that He is more than enough.  I am learning more and more what it looks like to love the swing. 

February 3, 2017: twinsies

I missed the coral rain jacket memo.  I feel left out.  

February 2, 2017: Runs with Steph are finally happening again!

I was really, really excited that I got to run with Stephanie again today.  We haven't run together since our half marathon in November.  She was giving her leg time to heal.  Even if she had been running, it would have been nearly impossible to run together during the week because it has been so dark after work.  Tonight we went running from 5:15-6:15 and it was just barely getting dark as we finished!   I don't care what the groundhog said, spring is coming.  Even if spring itself isn't coming, longer days are, and that's enough for me right now.

This picture is from the loop in Abercrombie that we run.

February 1, 2017: snaps

I really miss my family.  They are in Michigan, which is why I have taken no pictures of them the last 2 weeks.  However, I really enjoy getting countless snapchats from Jesse.  This one was one of my favorites. 

January 31, 2017: Versa Style Dance Company

Alanna, Kayla, and I went to see the Versa-Style Dance Company perform tonight.  They were FANTASTIC!  This is a dance company from LA that uses hip hop to empower youth from their communities.  Their dances were moving.  And a lot of fun. 

I had to laugh, because in the beginning of the show, there was an announcement encouraging audience participation, as the dancers feed off of the energy from the crowd.  I have been to a lot of the Arts performances this year, and this was the rowdiest I have ever seen Kodiak.  You have to remember, the Kodiak Arts crowd tends to be very white and decently old.  So when I say it was rowdy, I simply mean that some of the older ladies were clapping along with music, a large group of people were swaying and bopping their heads, and every once in a while an especially bold group of young people would yell out "WHOO, YEAH!" after a really cool dance move.  So... compared to the types of audiences the company probably gets in LA, we must have seemed incredibly unenthusiastic.  I wanted to stand up and yell to them, "You don't understand!  You are making Kodiak dance a little in their seats!  That's a big deal!  We like you!  We really like you!"  I didn't though. 

This guy was my favorite.  His dancing oozed joyfulness.  I think when I get to heaven, I'll be able to dance like he did.  

January 30, 2017: lamest picture ever

This picture has no good story to go with it, but it can't stand on it's own either.  So welcome to a really stupid blog post. 

Juneau's tagline is apparently "Together we can make a difference."  In Kodiak, ours is "Together we can change the world."  Ours is better because ours goes with this really jazzy tune that the administration plays during our inservice days.  90% of teachers hate the song, but I absolutely love it.  

That's it.  Lame story.  Sorry. 

January 29, 2017: Dead lady's cliff

After church this morning, I was planning to go to potluck with my friends like I do every Sunday, but I felt really sad and anti-social at the last minute.  Instead of meeting up with my friends, I came to Near Island and went for a little walk to clear my head. I haven't walked out here much this winter.  I was stunned at how many of the trees have been knocked down in the storms this winter.  On one stretch of the trail, there is destruction everywhere you look.  Dozens of trees are uprooted, laying across the ground, or precariously resting on other trees.  The trail is strewn with limbs and needles.  I vaguely remember seeing this when I was out here in December, but I didn't remember the damage being this extensive.  I tried to take a panoramic picture of one of these stretches of knocked over trees, but you can't really see much of it.  It was the only picture I took, so it'll have to do. 

Aside from being more than a little sad about nothing, and a little more sad about the trees, the walk was good.  It was what I needed.  The sun was out, and when I reached the cliffs, I laid in the grass and took a 10 minute nap.  I woke to the sound of a plane flying overhead, and I hoped that he didn't radio in to someone, telling them he saw a dead lady on Near Island whose body needed to be recovered, because I'm sure that's what I looked like.  Normal, full of life ladies don't just take random naps on cliff sides in the winter time.  Some days being normal is really hard and maybe not worth it.

January 28, 2017: Old Ladies Love Chinese New Year...

Alanna loves to crochet.  As do ALL OF MY FRIENDS here.  Anytime I hang out with people, almost all the women have yarn projects going on.  Beautiful, lovely yarn projects.  

I do not.  

Alanna decided she wanted to get some women together for a night of hanging out and crocheting and knitting.  She wanted to call it an "Old lady party."  I did a puzzle in the corner.  Which is still old lady-esque.

This party also fell on the Chinese New Year, so Alanna made us an amazing feast!  Her mom even sent me a red envelope with money inside :)  

Old lady Chinese New Year night was wonderful.  We had a dozen women over from church, Alanna's work, and the neighborhood.  I always love when we get a chance to mix friend groups together.  While I felt a little self conscious that I was less of a woman than most of my friends, it wasn't enough to make me want to pick up the skill.  I'm comfortable with being one of the most undomesticated women I know :)

January 27, 2017: Galley Tables

I have raved about Galley Tables in many posts before.  As a quick recap for those of you who are not on the island, Galley Tables is a story telling event where 7 different people tell a story that is 7 minutes long surrounding a given topic.  Tonight's topic was "Out of the Blue."  My dear friend Kinsey was sharing tonight, and I was so excited to hear her story!!  I was working our school's bingo night tonight, and it went longer than expected.  I sped to town as soon as it was over in an attempt to catch Kinsey's story.  As I walked in, she was just finishing up.  I got to hear the last couple minutes or so, and from that little portion, I could tell she decided to go with a heartfelt, raw story about her life.  Galley Tables is an awesome event because even though you're telling your story to hundreds of people, the space and time is so safe.  The community is there to support you.  I have heard someone say once that a successful Galley Tables event will make you laugh, make you cry, and make you feel lots of things in between.   I'm really, tremendously proud of Kinsey for telling a story in the first place, but especially telling one that was emotional and vulnerable.    I have shared bits and pieces of my depression story with a small group of friends, and have even mentioned a little bit here and there on this blog.  I don't think I would have the courage to lay it all out, in front of several hundred unfamiliar faces.  I know that so many people were touched by her story, so I hope I can someday summon the courage to share like she did!

January 25, 2017: Twins

I have posted pictures before of the scripture I write out before I memorize it.  I like to write it out, add word art type things to it, and add pictures in the margins that help me visualize the verse when I am trying to recite it.  Every Tuesday, I help my 5th grade girls at Awana with scripture memorization.  I have one girl who struggles a little with memorization, so I taught her my trick.  She decided to try my strategy.  This is what she came up with:

I love this so much.  Even more, I love that I have also worked on this verse in the past.  My doodles and word art are obviously not as cool as hers are.  I do not have a little guy shaking his head over the word "not."  I'll think about that for the next time though.

This technique helped her a lot!  She flew through verse memorization this week.  Yay!

January 24, 2017: fun surprise!

I got a little package in the mail yesterday from my friend Sara.  We used to be running buddies in college, and we would wear the most ridiculously bright running outfits.  We called it "brights and tights" runs, and we would run down the streets of Holland "spreading cheer" by waving at strangers in our outrageous clothing.  In her package, she sent me bright nail polish and brightly colored band-aids.  :)  At school today, I got a nasty paper cut.  I don't usually wimp out and put a band-aid on paper cuts, but this one was from a file folder, and if you have ever experienced one of those, you understand why a band-aid was necessary.  I was very excited to bust out a new band-aid.  Even more excited when I realized how perfectly the band-aid matched my rain jacket.  I am clearly the most fashionable injured person on this island.